What is with people these days, bashing marriage? No wonder so many people are getting divorce. Here is an eye-opener for all who believe that divorce rates are increasing, THEY ARE NOT!
Love and Marriage, by Amanda Hinds
Throughout history marriage has played a vital role in society, though it has not always been satisfying or happy. Today, most individuals have the freedom to decide for themselves whom they will share their lives with. Although this free will to marry is available, recent thoughts and studies on marriage seem to be highlighting the negative aspects of marriages gone wrong; thus, the number of marriages is decreasing. Not all marriages are degrading, however. In fact, studies from the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology show that divorce rates are down to 41 percent in the United States. So what is all the hype about?
First, to even have the possibility of divorce, one must get “hitched.” Statistics show that the percentage of individuals taking vows have reached an all-time low of approximately 7 percent per year, compared to 14 percent in the mid-1940s. A great deal of the decline in recent years has much to do with couples prolonging courtship and marrying later. According to a study conducted by the US Census Bureau in May 2011, since the 1950s, the median age at first marriage has risen for both men and women, increasing from 23 for men and 20 for women in 1950, to 28 for men and 26 for women in 2009. This more rational, trendy approach in the big decision to wed should not diminish the magical love and inspiration that is a marriage. In fact, it is the exact opposite. These individuals are in a deeper love, passing beyond the well-known “butterfly effect.”
Currently, 55 percent of married couples have been married for at least 15 years, 35 percent have reached their 25th anniversary and 6 percent have passed their golden (50th) wedding anniversary, according to a 2011 Census Bureau Report. Rosalie and Thomas Patton are one such couple, reaching their 57th anniversary this July. Rosalie agrees that marriage is hard, but it is worth it. Throughout her years she has gained great knowledge on the matter of marriage. She says, “Never go to bed mad. Always make up. Trust and respect one another at all times. Never run down your spouse in front of family and friends; disagreements should stay between the two of you. Helping each other out is essential as well as saying, I love you.”
Rosalie married at the young age of 14 years old. In the 1950s that was quite normal. Today it seems completely absurd, especially adding to the fact that the legal age to wed is now 18 years. In the 1940s there was a boom in marriage, with rates reaching an all-time high of 143 per 1,000 women (this is the 14 percent as stated above). This is almost double the current marriage rate.
Many trends have changed in the home since the 1940s and ’50s. Gender roles were at risk when women entered the work force that are now almost obsolete. Unfortunately, even though society claimed to be catching on to this trend, movies, television shows, and advertisements had not made the full adjustment. Even out in the workforce women still came home, cleaned, and made the meals.
Gender roles were pushed on women early on, telling them that their husband would provide for them as long as they kept the house clean, took care of the kids, and greeted him with an ice-cold scotch, while taking his coat and hat to the closet, upon his arrival home from work. While men might not have minded, they had a fixed role as well: the provider. They were told to work, work, work to provide for their family.
Years have passed and most of society has moved beyond this degrading era. Women are now fully in the workforce and men and women share roles in the household. “It took a generation to adapt [and] now the bargain is both spouses work,” says Andrew Cherlin, Professor of Sociology and Public Policy at Johns Hopkins University. Marriage counselors around the world insist that this cooperation is necessary for a happy and long-lasting marriage. “There are many couples getting it right,” said Tara Parker-Pope, author of “For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage,” on Oprah Radio. “I want to learn from them.”
Parker-Pope was married for 17 years before her divorce. In beginning her book she thought it would highlight the risk for divorce and infidelity and all the bad that goes on in marriages. “The more research I did, I learned that there was actually a very optimistic story,” she says. “I am really optimistic about marriage.” Parker-Pope goes on to say, “We think the world is a mess and people are getting fickle and relationships are getting weaker, but they are not. They are getting stronger. People are making better choices. Because we are delaying marriage and getting married older now, the bad and weak relationships are washing out before we ever get to the altar.”
This rational thinking, along with many, many tips from friends, families, and marriage counselors, are many of the reasons divorce rates are decreasing. Men and women are looking at marriage as a unit, which has obviously not been the case in past years.
There are numerous opinions on the matter of “Love and Marriage.” Frank Sinatra put it simply in 1965, singing, “Love and marriage, love and marriage/ Go together like a horse and carriage./ This I tell ya, brother,/ You can’t have one without the other.” More and more men and women are reciting vows, promising one another to be true, honest, and faithful till death do they part. This is what needs to be at the forefront for society to see the success and love that is out there, not simply focusing on the bad. A new marriage is like a fresh canvas; with creativity, imagination, purpose, and heart, it is sure to be a masterpiece. What is put into it is what will come out, so use every crayon in the box, draw outside of the lines, and create something that you will look upon in the future as the best times of your life.
Amanda Hinds Doyle is a graduate from Kent State University with a bachelor’s degree in Journalism and Mass Communication. She is currently a staff writer for Vision Magazine and the Go Green blogger for Examiner.com. Contact her at amandahinds@visionmagazine.com.
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